She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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