You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
