we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
