was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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