So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
