What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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