Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
