So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
