how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
