Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
