Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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