I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
barbara walters just said penis...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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