This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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