I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
