I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
