I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
