yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
