i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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