Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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