You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
