Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
