Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
