I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
