if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
