im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
