I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
