they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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