Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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