After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
