were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
