the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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