Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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