chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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