Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
