Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
