ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
BRING THE BAGELS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
