Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let's paint friendship bongs
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
