I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I AM VODKA MAN
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
