So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Farmville is her only friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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