the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
