so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
