the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
