I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
