Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
