fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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