Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In America we eat man semen.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
