I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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