Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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