When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
