There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hippo gnu deer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dick very happy bro
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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