is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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