Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
