from now on my penis is your penis
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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