Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
